with broken hearts we look at life's Journal

yestiffany @ 6:56pm: Here's my post...Im new, be kind!
My name Is Tiffany. This is my first entry.
I like to write when I feel any emotion. Anger. Hurt. Dissapointment. It's better than cutting or crying so it's a hobby I try and keep up :) tell me what you think.


-Untitled-Jan 26-TiffanyC

Excuse me while I fall into a hundred pieces at your feet
My shattered heart would bleed for just one glance
I cry out for any warmth form you and Iam returned with nothing more than your snow covered shoulder


Your soft and tender lips against mine make me wantt to cry out
I want to feel for you
I want the blissful ignorant ways of a young silly couple in love
The fluids in my body turn to ice at the thought of letting anyone close enough to me to love me


This one I was trying to work into a song...

Never What you Wanted-TiffanyC

There goes my life, with every pill, doobie and drink
There goes my life wieth every sleepless night every tear filled word
Im drowning in memories of the way it used to be

it's been so hard all i need is time-the most expensive thing

im loosing myself in the mix of you and them
i wish i wasn't here (whisperd)
Im afraid of the person I could become
Always kindhearted and with a tender sould- the first you bend and break


Im open to critizm, just don't be mean for no reason :D
<3
Tiffany

createsimpact @ 11:05pm: Eyeless like night time, words scribbled to profane my wrists
Ailments and love letters doused in regret
Goodnight and Goodbye my most beautiful
But did you really think I wouldn't notice

Quit your faithless studder, greatest daughter of deception
Thanks to you I can't stop shaking, So here's your thank you dear


And innocence isn't a question we should have to ask ourselves
Whenever we feel less the faithful
And your lips which only know how to beg
Well now I'm the one begging
Father fix this now


So maybe I will finally have the strength to bear the weight of my words
or maybe I'd be better off if i just set this down and went and tried once again to forget

Go back to bed ****************
don't contrive a conversation, don't even bother to speak
Don't talk,don't close you eyes
Just let me outline those delicate freckles one last time
before I outline my veins
PS I hope you're doing well
PS I hope you're doing well
PS I hope I never see you again
PS I hope I really meant it this time
PS You still think you're too good for me
PS I told you that from the beginning

trivking_64 @ 5:10am: FOREVER INTO THE DISTANT BLUE
FOREVER INTO THE DISTANT BLUE
(T. Beechey)

Amidst the boundless astral plain,amongst the myriad drops of rain,
Between the moon and sun I've danced in a ceaseless quest to seek romance
But I just had to turn to find that what I sought was right behind
To take my hand and guide me through forever into the distant blue

Within her eyes,therein lies what shade and shadow can't disguise
All that is so pure and true,like when the dawn embarks anew
Spilling forth in lustrous rays,sifting through the mist and haze
Allowing for another chance to glimpse the world at flawless glance
And the images which have been drawn supply the strength to carry on
Over once untrodden ground as time's fabric grows unwound
Hers is truly a lyrical soul - lifting me up,filling the role
Of someone whom I used to know...it seems so very long ago

But also yet,in a way,there remains a sense of yesterday
For but a fleeting twinkling once,I relished the flavors of these wants
I savored every precious drop then,all too soon,it came to stop
Ever since I've longed and yearned for those moments to return
To cast aside shrouds of gloom and breathe in airs of sweet perfume
Nestled in rich bouquets of water lilies by the bay
Just simple pleasures,priceless treasures ---springing forth in spacious measures
Gone not to be revised...till I found the beauty in her eyes

Reviving faith,renewing hope,smoothing out each hill and slope
Granting chance to chances lost regardless of the cause or cost
A time to bask within the rays of playful,carefree summer days
And capture at their greatest heights passions borne on winter heights
Revealed to all,concealed to none --- the time to heal has begun
And I never thought I would see when such a time would come to me
I'm comforted so by its warming glow,more than anyone could ever know
Casting reflections below,above,and all around in hues of love

Now,as anguish goes,I've chance to dose --- at last,a moment for repose
For I've grown weary in my quest,my wounded soul beckons request
The mirrored portraits in her eyes reflect upon the earth and skies
Across the glass I fanitly trace a misplaced smile upon my face
When I awake I've come to see these dreams of smiles have come to be
For,within my heart,we are as one in the presence of the setting sun
Underneath a velvet mystic sky as clouded mists go rolling by
Upon a crystalled span of sea awash in sheer tranquility

And,all around,there is no sound --- not even a echoed whisper found
Just she and I within a world so unbridled and unfurled
Her poetic gaze I praise in song as,with the winds,we drift along
Past and beyond the skyline view...forever into the distant blue

trivking_64 @ 11:28am: SUNRISE
SUNRISE

Sunrise,peeking slowly through the trees
Bring me another day to share
Sunrise,with your warm and gentle breeze
Show me just how much you care

Oh,can you read my mind?
Can you take away the pain?
Erase all of my yesterdays
And let me start again

Sunrise,collect up all my dreams
Turn them into something real
Sunrise,sew up all my seams
Close my wounds and let them heal

Let me knoe the truth
That's concealed behind the lies
Reveal to me the answers
And blaze them across the skies

Sunrise,breathe new life into my soul
Tell me that I am not wrong
Sunrise,help me fulfill my role
Let me know that I belong

Give to me a reason
That I should carry on
Welcome and caress me
With each refreshing dawn

(Instrumental Break)

Unlock all of your mysteries
That have so long been known
Confide in me your secrets
You already know my own

Sunrise,cast all shadows to the side
Light my path so I can see
Sunrise,be my guardian and guide
Take me where I want to be...

trivking_64 @ 9:42am: The Things I Meant To Say
THE THINGS I MEANT TO SAY
(T. Beechey)

It seems that,lately,all I have spinning 'round my head,
Are all the itty bitty things I never ever said,
So many times I wanted to and countless times I tried,
But who knows why? It seems I kept them locked inside,
Days turned to weeks,then months and years,soon a lifetime passed,
And what remains are endless tears instead of smiles to last,
Oh,I'd give everything I had for another day,
To hold you close and whisper those things I meant to say.

I meant to say "Good morning" each time you awoke; I meant to say "How are you" whenever we spoke,
I meant to say "You're special" when no one seemed to care; I meant to say "I thank you" for being there,
I meant to say "I'll help you" no matter what the task; I meant to say "I'll listen" to each question you'd ask,
I meant to say "You helped me" for answers you'd give; I meant to say "Cause of you" for reasons that I live.

So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way,
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard,
But they echo daily in my mind and so I find myself resigned,
To listen as my conscience sings these intended but unuttered things.

I meant to say "I'm sorry" when I was wrong; I meant to say "Don't worry" when roads ahead seemed long,
I meant to say "I'll lead you" when you couldn't find the road; I meant to say "I'll take it" when you couldn't bear the load,
I meant to say nothing at all each time I'd complain; I meant to say "I'll shield you" from every drop of rain,
I meant to say "Forgive me" for each tear you'd cry; I meant to say "Give me one chance to tell you why."

So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way,
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard,
What was I thinking? Why'd I wait? I know it now but now's too late,
My heart lies bare with broken strings atop a mound of voiceless things.

I meant to say "I'll find it" when all you sought was time; I meant to say "I'll pull you" over each uphill climb,
I meant to say "Take my hand" as each road began to slant; I meant to say "Yes,you can" when you said you can't,
I meant to say "We did it" as we passed each test; I meant to say "It's over" when we'd find time to rest,
I meant to say "Here's the key" to secrets I keep; I meant to say "Dream sweetly" as you closed your eyes to sleep.

So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way,
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard,
Except by me from the morning sun until the day is finally done,
Yes,now you're gone and each day brings to mind these never-spoken things.

It seems that,lately,all I have rolling through my brain,
Are all the teeny,weeny things I'll never say again,
The things I should have said to the one I was with,
And all those misspent moments that have faded into myth,
So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way,
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard,
Sometimes,at night,your name I'll call to a faded frame on a shaded wall ---
I meant to say "I love you,"
I meant to say "I love you,"
I meant to say "I love you,"
And that one hurts the most of all.

inmemoryofxme @ 2:42pm: Does anyone want to roleplay with me?
IM me xrosexfellowx

inmemoryofxme @ 11:48am: hi *waves timidly*
*sorry for cross posting*
I'm not too much for posting in communities...I'm kind of shy, in case you haven't noticed, I've only updated in here once or twice, I've been joined since the day I got my journal.
*ahem*
Anyhow, I uhm, came with a somewhat odd request.
I need a friend, an older friend, or someone my age.
Requardless, I have a disorder that makes me feel younger or mentally less capable than anyone over the age of 12.
I do not want someone who is as shy as me, for that means there wont be much talking
I want someone friendly, open minded, someone who can tolerate complaining but not be afraid to tell me to "suck it up" when I'm being far too bitchy.
I want someone to trust, and someone who thinks they can trust me to talk about things as well.
A guy or a girl, I really don't care.
I have friends, but I've realized that sometimes it's nice to have a genuine friend who cares, and you can talk to about anything
for even with my best friends there are some things that I can not talk about without getting people angry.
Yeah, it's an odd, somewhat random request, but I'm sure there are probably other people out there who would want someone to talk with as well.
and...that's my story

If anyone cares and or is obliged to become my friend/oldersister/brother "figure" then you can leave a comment on IM me on AOL at xrosexfellowx

Thank you
-Catty

inmemoryofxme @ 10:57am: Too Too much no more no more.
Im am SO SICK of dealing with these things.
Hearing how people that Im in love with take drugs and cut themselves has made me HATE THEM. josh...I HATE josh, Colleen, I HATE Colleen, I dont need anymore hurt and those two are the main source. I CANT CARE ANYMORE. every time I throw a hint their way that their actions are KILLING me they just DONT GET IT. well I am SICK AND TIRED of taking it and I wont take it anymore. They can go cut the SHIT out of themselves or go and get higher than the heavens and I DONT FUCKING WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT AND I WONT CARE.
Im done catering to her when she needs me and then sitting there only WISHING she were there when I need her. I was ALWAYS there for her and she was there for me maybe TWICE.
I done dealing with those things.
I want them out of my life and Im not handling them anymore.
I helped many many people and was still in the midst of helping others and i realized that Im done and I just cant take it anymore. Its not like I dont really love Josh and Colleen and the others underneath all the hate because I know I do but Im SICK mentally and physically of knowing and dealing with these things.

tell me what Im doing isnt wrong
please tell me its not
because even though Im so adamant
it HURTS horribly.

vanango @ 3:15pm: "It's better to be cruel for love than for hate"
my flatmate took a poll asking whether it is better to be cruel for love or for hate.

I'm curious to what you guys have to say about it. Give me some examples or reasoning behind your answer =)

shinoda32 @ 10:00pm: i'm new.

i had an awesome expirence the other night...i'm in pep band, and after the a basketball that i had to play at, it was raining, and me and my 2 friends came outside with me, and we danced around in the rain...and this guy that i had never met before...we just started flirting, and i said "come dance with us!" so he came outside and we danced around and sang at the top of our lungs...and it was super fun. then my friends left, and i went inside, and he came with me, and sat with me...instead of going home, or going to watch the rest of the game...he actually stayed to hang out with me. and now i have a big crush. and i never have any luck with crushes. i always hope and hope that something will become of my crushes, but i'm just wasting my time.

bleaux @ 11:40am: Surviving
I just don't know how to survive people anymore. I am honest. I want to discuss feelings and yet I am constantly surrounded by people who love to lie and manipulate. If I try to discuss our friendship with them and what I've discovered they've done, they redirect or completely deny....always being over-dramatic in the process.

I thought this all ended in high school....I'm in my 30's. All the games. Why can't people just be good friends and honest people? Why all the drama? Especially when you're not even using it to repair or communicate....just to be a drama queen?

A true friend would discuss what is bothering them or at least ask if there is a problem....

...not drop them. But I guess that is more merciful than just pretending to be my friend, huh?

_obsolete @ 11:29pm: Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
The one thing that I cannot give.

Did you ever see that one person
And the way they do these things
And it hurts you so much it's like choking, choking, CHOKING!

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.
I can give you death with the look upon my face.

This is your freedom, in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom, in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.

With a short story,
The one you add to daily,
You are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for the fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood
taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears, mourn. Wish the end.
Cry for you. Shed tears, mourn. Wish the end.
I wish the end. I wish the end. I wish the end.

Did you ever look,
Did you ever see that one person?
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions,
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds...
You let this one person come down at the most perfect moment.

And it breaks my heart, to know,
The only reason you are here now
Is a reminder of what I'll never have..
I'll never have..
I'll never...

Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in..
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, in this, I cherish you.

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person?
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down.. come down.

I cherish you.. I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me..
Just say you would do the same..
Just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes.

_obsolete @ 11:29pm: Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
The one thing that I cannot give.

Did you ever see that one person
And the way they do these things
And it hurts you so much it's like choking, choking, CHOKING!

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.
I can give you death with the look upon my face.

This is your freedom, in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom, in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.

With a short story,
The one you add to daily,
You are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for the fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood
taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears, mourn. Wish the end.
Cry for you. Shed tears, mourn. Wish the end.
I wish the end. I wish the end. I wish the end.

Did you ever look,
Did you ever see that one person?
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions,
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds...
You let this one person come down at the most perfect moment.

And it breaks my heart, to know,
The only reason you are here now
Is a reminder of what I'll never have..
I'll never have..
I'll never...

Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in..
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, in this, I cherish you.

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person?
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down.. come down.

I cherish you.. I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me..
Just say you would do the same..
Just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes.

_obsolete @ 11:29pm: Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
The one thing that I cannot give.

Did you ever see that one person
And the way they do these things
And it hurts you so much it's like choking, choking, CHOKING!

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.
I can give you death with the look upon my face.

This is your freedom, in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom, in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.

With a short story,
The one you add to daily,
You are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for the fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood
taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears, mourn. Wish the end.
Cry for you. Shed tears, mourn. Wish the end.
I wish the end. I wish the end. I wish the end.

Did you ever look,
Did you ever see that one person?
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions,
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds...
You let this one person come down at the most perfect moment.

And it breaks my heart, to know,
The only reason you are here now
Is a reminder of what I'll never have..
I'll never have..
I'll never...

Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in..
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, in this, I cherish you.

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person?
And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down.. come down.

I cherish you.. I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me..
Just say you would do the same..
Just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes.

_obsolete @ 11:22pm: i wish distance didnt matter :(

cordero @ 6:04pm: Hi everyone, I've been meaning to post here for so long. A few days ago (the 20th) was my birthday, heh that's also Chino Moreno from the Deftones b-day. I love the Deftones, Chino's my role model.

vanango @ 10:19pm: So I used my lj account just like a journal. I say what I want and I don't modify anything, the problem is before I got to choose who my audience was. I want to write honestly in my journal and not feel as though I have anything to hide -- but there are new people reading my journal and there are things I might write (or have written) that I don't think are their business -- or might offend them. (note -- these friends have LJ accounts so blah blah blah)

Not a huge deal, but it must have happened to a lot of people before. Any comments?

vanango @ 1:19am: Mice Mice Baby!
so my friend sent me to this site:

Harvey the mouse must die

So I am going to share w/ you some mice stories:

-When I was really young my parents found rice (which is appropriate seeing as how we have 40lb bags laying around) Well my parents yelled at me and blah blah blah, but months later they realized it was mice. Poor me. Stupid mice.

-I took my car into the shop last year, and when I got it back, they handed me a bag of dog food and said it was under the hood. Rat Attack!

-After discovering dog food in my car (see above) we put mouse poison around the house. Well, unlike traditional mouse traps: "snap" this they would take back to their nest and share w/ their families and they would eat it, die, and dry up. Well a few months after using this stuff, as I was putting food in my dog's bowl -- a shriveled up dead mouse fell out of the bag. Yum.



-Oh yes, a hoodie w/ mouse ears AND is has 3 dancing mice on the front and it says "mice mice baby!"

That's all.

vanango @ 11:32am: Twenty Hypothetical Questions:
Some of these are decent questions:

Try to answer these.

1) Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a remote house that is supposedly haunted, just for the sake of it? (knowing nothing more about the history of the house than that) There is no electricity though there is running water and other utilities, and you can bring your own flashlight and/or lantern and such. The nearest neighbors live 5 miles away.

( complete list hereCollapse )

cordero @ 3:16pm: awesome night
Sorry guys I've been to busy to post here. I just went to Deep Ellum last night and saw Taking Back Sunday. Met all the guys and such. It was awesome

legomykeiko @ 9:34pm: so dont ask me why Im at home on a friday night...
Name Taken and Astoria are playing at chain right now...
I told Ryan Id go and say hi to him so he knew that I actually showed up to one of his shows...
I feel bad but nobody is available...and I kinda want to chill...
So im upset about a conversation I had...it went A LITTLE like this:
me: so hey. Are you going to see Taking Back Sunday tomorrow night.
him: Yeah. WHy?
me: Well I cant go unless my mom knows someone who Im going with so I wanted to know if you were at least planning on going so I could tell my mom. If I dont give her a name, I cant leave the house.
him: Ok. But you have to do me a favor.
Me: okay...well i dont have to hang around you...
him: Well were going to pretend we're in wonderland.
me: WHAT?
him: We're going to make belive that you and I were never seeing each other...
me: uhum okay?...pause...WHY?
him: well my ex heather is going and shes psycho and (yadi yadi yada)
me: well i know shes psycho but im going to pretend I love you and be like "HEY HUNNY" ...
So yeah...it went on for a few minutes, and i had a costumer and he called me back to make sure i was on with the plan. I feel offended. I feel like hes either embarassed about me, or he just doesnt want her to know he was seeing anyone after her. I mean if hes worried about his reputation...Id (im going to be cocky)be the one who should be embarassed. I dont know...thats gay. I dont think a friend should ask another friend to act a certain way around someone else. If im his friend, he should accept me. Its not like im all over him...Im far from wanting him...its over and done with. I dont get it though. Should i feel hurt? He thinks im overreacting. Am i though? But when he told me that, I was in shock, speachless even...im hurt

icecold2003 @ 11:52am: Well, here's crap about school. I'm in a continuation school to catch up on all the missing credits I have. When I started I had 95 credits and I was supposed to have 130. Right? Right. Now, I have 110 credits after passing three parts of history and part of english 10. I have english 10-2, Comp Applications 1 and English 11-1. In my english 11 class on the wall is a poster saying levels of credits and what grade you are. I'm where I should be, a Junior but if I wanted to go back to Kennedy next year and graduate in 2003 like I'm supposed to I need to have 165 credits. There's a month of school left. I don't want to be here, I wish I would have kept myself up and working despite how upset and depressed I was last year. That's why I'm here, I was too depressed to work and there was too much shit going on.

What now? I'll be 18 in October and even if I did go back to Kennedy I wouldn't be there for long. They'll kick me out because I'm 18 and I should have been graduation next year, but I won't be. I'll be a junior, again. Then I have to go to senior crap and graduate with people I don't know ( okay, so there's a few -- but that's not the point! ), the point is I'm upset because I got myself into it and I can't get out and graduate when I hoped I would. There is no way I can get 54 credits in a month and summer school and still go back to Kennedy for Sr. year. I may go to adult school, or be homeschooled. I want to be homeschooled but both parents more than likely think I'm not responsible enough.

I recently wrote an email to my dad saying that since I'll be 18, a legal adult I should be able to choose what type of education I want. He said we'll talk about it, and we haven't. I know my mom doesn't want me to be homeschool, but shouldn't I have what's best for me? I'm not good aruond a lot of people and it's hard for me to work at a rushed pace like in school. I need to be able to work at my own pace. That's what's best for me. I can't take it, all my good friends will be out of high school and I'm still there. This hurts. I feel like such a loser and there isn't much I can do about it now.

artislife @ 11:36am: i love this phrase. i wish i had come up with it.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
And dance like no one is watching.

vanango @ 6:32am: Blue's Clues
Steve from Blue's Clues is leaving for college and his brother is coming to take his place!!

legomykeiko @ 1:50am: Name:Keiko
Nick:Legomykeiko, That subway girl, pink star, louise...
Sex: female
Where You're From: Orange, CA
Where You're At: My house, in orange
Age/DOB: 17/August 29, 1984
Favorite Fruit: Oranges, mangos
Top 5 Songs: now? Less than Jake:my best friends are metalheads...Longfellow:beautiful... further seems forever:the moon is down... Jimmy Eat World:12.23.95... Yellowcard: for petes sake
Favorite Animal: Hippos, elephants, mouse
Biggest Pet Peeve: my little brother, double standards, ignorance, smaking gum
Random Quote: Sometimes you just want to belong, at any loss or any cost